just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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