Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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