so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
