I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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