I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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