wanna go halves on a baby?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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