im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why do cheetos always look like penises
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
