well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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