That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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