i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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