I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
