I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
