I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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