why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
