we're blogging at a bar
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
