Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
