She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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