I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
