I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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