dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
