How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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