That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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