She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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