any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
