apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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