No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize