Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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