I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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