your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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