Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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