Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
