Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
