I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
