You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
