Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
4 words: hood of his car
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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