my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize