just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize