I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
