problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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