Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
