even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
