I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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