Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
