The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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