super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
