I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
