Sry I called you an 8
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
