come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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