Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
