i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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