How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
