Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
