I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
