I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's paint friendship bongs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
