I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
