oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
