Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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