I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
