The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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