im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
