I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
