Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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