So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
