Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
